Nihilism
Sarah's noticed that in my last few blogs there's been a decidedly downward trend as far as morale is concerned.
This is true, and since I'm pretty sure I've already hit bottom, this blog is sure to be brighter and sunnier than the last two.
So, let's talk about nihilism!
In a world where things no longer make sense in an understandable way, one could draw the conclusion that there's no sense in the world. Likewise, if the things that we do have no value that we can see, we could then say that it's because there's no system of value in the world. Our lives have no value. Nothing matters. Apathy overwhelms.
To apply this to my current time as a teacher, my nap was my greatest accomplishment of the day so far.
But this clearing away of old values isn't the ending point, but rather the beginning. Sure I could say that no one cares what I do here, but that also means that I'm free to do anything. And if I can't create an enjoyable life for myself out of all the possibilities that the world has to offer, it's not exactly fair to blame the world. I really just need to blame me.
That's been the reoccuring problem for me here: what to do with so much free time. About 80% of my day is free, with the only stipulation that my body has to be here. The other 20% are my classes which are consistently awesome. So I am left with "the problem of leisure" which I solve indaquately through blogging, eating, sleeping, and reading. I'm also an accomplished TV watcher now, downloading Lost, Top Chef, Scrubs, The Office, and South Park, all to enjoy with Sarah once I go home. I've somehow recreated my old life in Malaysia, but now I'm surrounded by Islam and my internet connection at home is worse. I also get paid in Sex Fines.
I guess the frustration that came out in the last two blogs is because I thought I was moving to this country to escape the nihilist annoyances I had about my life in the states. As it turns out, they have those here too (unlike paper bags, which seriously do not exist). I can understand why Islam is appealing now: if you have to sublimate yourself to a higher power, then at least there's something more important than you and you have a duty to it. It might suck to be woken up at 5:30 am by the call to prayer, but at least you have something to do that you think is important.
Still, I know it's not pointless what I'm doing here, in part because I feel it's how this experience pokes, prods, and pushes me. I'm changing because of the difficulties, so it can't be pointless, as something's clearly happening. It's jut hard to say what the changes are.
This would be the part in the movie where the protagonist hears the little voice in his head that says "remember your training." Sadly, I was a philosophy major, so here's what my training can offer:
I praise, I do not reproach, [nihilism's] arrival. I believe it is one of the greatest crises, a moment of the deepest self-reflection of humanity. Whether man recovers from it, whether he becomes master of this crisis, is a question of his strength!
– Friedrich Nietzsche, Complete Works Vol. 13
So basically, it's just "whatever doesn't kill you will send you into a deep existential crisis that you might escape from."
And escape I will. I just wish I had more appropriate training.
This is true, and since I'm pretty sure I've already hit bottom, this blog is sure to be brighter and sunnier than the last two.
So, let's talk about nihilism!
In a world where things no longer make sense in an understandable way, one could draw the conclusion that there's no sense in the world. Likewise, if the things that we do have no value that we can see, we could then say that it's because there's no system of value in the world. Our lives have no value. Nothing matters. Apathy overwhelms.
To apply this to my current time as a teacher, my nap was my greatest accomplishment of the day so far.
But this clearing away of old values isn't the ending point, but rather the beginning. Sure I could say that no one cares what I do here, but that also means that I'm free to do anything. And if I can't create an enjoyable life for myself out of all the possibilities that the world has to offer, it's not exactly fair to blame the world. I really just need to blame me.
That's been the reoccuring problem for me here: what to do with so much free time. About 80% of my day is free, with the only stipulation that my body has to be here. The other 20% are my classes which are consistently awesome. So I am left with "the problem of leisure" which I solve indaquately through blogging, eating, sleeping, and reading. I'm also an accomplished TV watcher now, downloading Lost, Top Chef, Scrubs, The Office, and South Park, all to enjoy with Sarah once I go home. I've somehow recreated my old life in Malaysia, but now I'm surrounded by Islam and my internet connection at home is worse. I also get paid in Sex Fines.
I guess the frustration that came out in the last two blogs is because I thought I was moving to this country to escape the nihilist annoyances I had about my life in the states. As it turns out, they have those here too (unlike paper bags, which seriously do not exist). I can understand why Islam is appealing now: if you have to sublimate yourself to a higher power, then at least there's something more important than you and you have a duty to it. It might suck to be woken up at 5:30 am by the call to prayer, but at least you have something to do that you think is important.
Still, I know it's not pointless what I'm doing here, in part because I feel it's how this experience pokes, prods, and pushes me. I'm changing because of the difficulties, so it can't be pointless, as something's clearly happening. It's jut hard to say what the changes are.
This would be the part in the movie where the protagonist hears the little voice in his head that says "remember your training." Sadly, I was a philosophy major, so here's what my training can offer:
I praise, I do not reproach, [nihilism's] arrival. I believe it is one of the greatest crises, a moment of the deepest self-reflection of humanity. Whether man recovers from it, whether he becomes master of this crisis, is a question of his strength!
– Friedrich Nietzsche, Complete Works Vol. 13
So basically, it's just "whatever doesn't kill you will send you into a deep existential crisis that you might escape from."
And escape I will. I just wish I had more appropriate training.
Comments
Must be other training you can remember... :-)