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Showing posts from March, 2009

Thanks, AIG!

A lot of people have been upset about AIG getting $165 million in bonuses from hardworking American tax payers like... well, not like me, but like people who actually have to pay taxes. Like my parents. And other people whose main source of income isn't from making sandwiches for an octogenarian every other week.

As much as I like a good outrage (and I do love 'em), I'm just going to go ahead and say that everyone's missing the point on this one. We shouldn't be pissed that AIG executives have been rewarded with fat sacks of cash for breaking the economy-- we should be grateful that we finally know where all that money is so we can go get our share!

Allow me to explain.

Now, if we were to put that same $165 mil towards something boring like public schools or healthcare, it'd barely make a dent. My share of that money as 1/300 millionth of America is 55 cents. Nothing to write home about, unless you can buy an envelope and a piece of paper for 13 cents to go along …

Cracker Fail

It has recently come to my attention that there might be more than one type of person in the world. Shocking, I know.

First there are people like me who, if given a dollar for food, will find the most calorically rich and nutritionally-balanced offering the market has and settle on something wholesome, like a loaf of bread. (In fact, I think there were people at my high school who thought that one of my hands was made out of a baguette.)

Then there are the other people who I will call the Snackers. Or maybe... the Snack Pack? Snackasaurus Snacks? Or perhaps just Sarah, as she is an epic snacker. Snacking is a strange concept to me now. If you're hungry, my mind reasons, you eat a meal, preferably a sandwich. If you are less hungry, you eat a smaller meal, preferably half a sandwich. And if you're not hungry at all, you make a sandwich, and stare at it until you have the desire to eat it.

The principle applies to restaurants. If you're hungry, you order a meal, if not,…