Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned from my Noodle Package


From my Golden Noodle: Round Noodle package which boasts "Electrical Drying, Fresh & Hygienic," which is really all I demand from my food products.


1. Pour the water into a pot and boil it. When the water is boiling, putting noodles into the pot.

I'm pretty sure "would be a good idea" was left off the end of that sentence.

2. Use chopsticks to stir the noodles slightly (it rightly assumes that if you don't own chopsticks, you have no business cooking these noodles) about 3-5 minutes and then the noodles are already boiled.

I especially appreciate the fact that then after all that work they're already boiled. It's such a good twist. Like Dorothy's shoes. All that trouble and she could've gone home whenever. Sorry, spoiler alert.

3. Don't pour cold water into the pot in the case that boiled water spills, but turn down the fire instead.

While we've already established that the boiled water is just for show, we have a great lesson about solving our problems. Cold water is just treating the symptom. It'll buy you some time, but boiled water will spill again and then they'll be more of it. Go to the source of the problem. Turn down that fire. Everything'll be alright.

4. Put the boiled noodles into cold water and get rid of the water.

"But that's where I just put my noodles!" you say. It turns out you didn't need those noodles after all. Just throw them away with the cold water, you'll be happier. This also explains why you had to hang onto the cold water from before. It was vital to the noodle disposal. Yet another great twist!

5. When it is done you can bland any kind of seasoning you like into noodles.

I think "to bland" is to season, possibly badly. You can bland your noodles right up, if you like. Noodles teach us that real freedom is the freedom to ruin what you create.

6. It depends on you, if you like, you can make soup noodles, dried noodles (assuming you ignored the rest of the cooking instructions), fried noodles and cold noodles with sauce.

In other words, your life is what you make of it. Make it something you like.

So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go re-electrically dry my already boiled noodles that I just threw out with the cold water. I'm going to bland them so good.

Comments

Andrea B. (Red Loper) said…
if only they came with a seasoning packet like the brick o' ramen

I bland them up so good!
10:33 AM
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