No Exit
I write this post from the prison that is my Bahasa Melayu classroom.
Today's teacher might be my favorite yet. He says a word and then repeats it until we guess it. In some cases, until we guess the British equivalent. He's also notable for being the world's most confident and least effective charades player. For the word kita ("we") as well as for nearly all words, the only gestures he'll offer is his hands moving in a circle in front of him.
From the introductions (which I have down pat, as we've learned it every single day since classes began):
"Saya Jackie," *blows her nose wetly* "I'm miserable." This effectively sums up our experience of the classroom
I also appreciate how thorough he is. For example, he'll say "now I've been told you've alread learned pronnouns," and then procede to teach us pronouns. You have to admire his genuine concern that he is the only person in the country who correctly understands the complex and difficult concepts of "We" and "I".
You know that old saying, "it's better than nothing"? I can tell you unequivocally that that phrase is a fat load. This is much worse nothing. With nothing I could go back to reading the dictionary cover to cover. With nothing I wouldn't hate the language I'm supposed to be immersed in for the next 7 months. With nothing I wouldn't have lost in all faith in people's ability to teach anything. As it stands, I seriously doubt that I'm capable of keeping students from wanting to kill themselves, let alone helping them master English.
The highlight of the class was when we listened to a loading screen on a computer program while he read his text message on his cell phone.
Another highlight was when I sent the following text to Len when I left the room for a moment:
"I'm waiting in the bathroom, not because I have to go, but because staring at a tissue full of my own snot is so much more interesting than class."
Okay, my new highlight might be the teacher asking questions to Jackie and Mike. It's a good match up, because while he might be the worst teacher imaginable, they are definitely the worst students imaginable. So far Jackie and the teacher have been repeating the word for yes back and forth for roughly 10 minutes with few breaks regarding how to pronounce it correctly.
Oop, he's back to pronouns again. We just can't seem to nail down "we," it seems.
He's now asked Jackie if she's married, and since the teacher has trained her to say only one word, she instinctually says yes.
Joe has managed to avoid being in class this entire time. He is the luckiest and smartest man I have ever met.
It has now been explained to us that pronouns don't have genders in Malay (and that they do have them in English) approximately 8 times.
Zoe just sent me a text saying: "I would learn better if I hit my head with a Malay dictionary." I would only had that it would hurt less as well.
I can't believe it's not even 11am yet. I'm going to cry. Saya akan menangis. That one's for you, Mike.
Sarah's tried to convince the teacher that we already know the greetings by rattling off all of them in rapid succession with the best accent that our group has to offer, but to no avail. While visibly impressed for a moment, he seems to then forget about the interaction entirely and continue to teach the same thing over again.
Nearly everyone is passing the time by watching the screensaver slideshow that has popped up on the LCD projector. It might be the cruelest punishment I've had in awhile to be able to watch beautiful flowers and landscapes, while being continuously sucked back into the painful reality of this same classroom where time has only progressed a useless 15 seconds.
That's it. I'm going back to the bathroom to stare at my own snot.
I return 30 minutes later, and get someone to teach us a few curse words. (Nothing too exciting. Bastard, pig, animal and such.) After that's done the class consists of this exact exchange repeating over and over again until we are let out.
Teacher: Okay, any questions?
Us: We don't have any questions.
Teacher: Yes. Questions?
Us: Alright, what about ___?
Teacher: You don't need to know about that. Any questions?
(Repeat to induce tears and vomiting)
Today's teacher might be my favorite yet. He says a word and then repeats it until we guess it. In some cases, until we guess the British equivalent. He's also notable for being the world's most confident and least effective charades player. For the word kita ("we") as well as for nearly all words, the only gestures he'll offer is his hands moving in a circle in front of him.
From the introductions (which I have down pat, as we've learned it every single day since classes began):
"Saya Jackie," *blows her nose wetly* "I'm miserable." This effectively sums up our experience of the classroom
I also appreciate how thorough he is. For example, he'll say "now I've been told you've alread learned pronnouns," and then procede to teach us pronouns. You have to admire his genuine concern that he is the only person in the country who correctly understands the complex and difficult concepts of "We" and "I".
You know that old saying, "it's better than nothing"? I can tell you unequivocally that that phrase is a fat load. This is much worse nothing. With nothing I could go back to reading the dictionary cover to cover. With nothing I wouldn't hate the language I'm supposed to be immersed in for the next 7 months. With nothing I wouldn't have lost in all faith in people's ability to teach anything. As it stands, I seriously doubt that I'm capable of keeping students from wanting to kill themselves, let alone helping them master English.
The highlight of the class was when we listened to a loading screen on a computer program while he read his text message on his cell phone.
Another highlight was when I sent the following text to Len when I left the room for a moment:
"I'm waiting in the bathroom, not because I have to go, but because staring at a tissue full of my own snot is so much more interesting than class."
Okay, my new highlight might be the teacher asking questions to Jackie and Mike. It's a good match up, because while he might be the worst teacher imaginable, they are definitely the worst students imaginable. So far Jackie and the teacher have been repeating the word for yes back and forth for roughly 10 minutes with few breaks regarding how to pronounce it correctly.
Oop, he's back to pronouns again. We just can't seem to nail down "we," it seems.
He's now asked Jackie if she's married, and since the teacher has trained her to say only one word, she instinctually says yes.
Joe has managed to avoid being in class this entire time. He is the luckiest and smartest man I have ever met.
It has now been explained to us that pronouns don't have genders in Malay (and that they do have them in English) approximately 8 times.
Zoe just sent me a text saying: "I would learn better if I hit my head with a Malay dictionary." I would only had that it would hurt less as well.
I can't believe it's not even 11am yet. I'm going to cry. Saya akan menangis. That one's for you, Mike.
Sarah's tried to convince the teacher that we already know the greetings by rattling off all of them in rapid succession with the best accent that our group has to offer, but to no avail. While visibly impressed for a moment, he seems to then forget about the interaction entirely and continue to teach the same thing over again.
Nearly everyone is passing the time by watching the screensaver slideshow that has popped up on the LCD projector. It might be the cruelest punishment I've had in awhile to be able to watch beautiful flowers and landscapes, while being continuously sucked back into the painful reality of this same classroom where time has only progressed a useless 15 seconds.
That's it. I'm going back to the bathroom to stare at my own snot.
I return 30 minutes later, and get someone to teach us a few curse words. (Nothing too exciting. Bastard, pig, animal and such.) After that's done the class consists of this exact exchange repeating over and over again until we are let out.
Teacher: Okay, any questions?
Us: We don't have any questions.
Teacher: Yes. Questions?
Us: Alright, what about ___?
Teacher: You don't need to know about that. Any questions?
(Repeat to induce tears and vomiting)
Comments
Anyway, thanks for calling us on the phone. Hopefully we were more interesting than looking at your snot.
How much longer does this mind-numbing torture last?
Oh, you've already asked and they said, "You don't need to know that."
Geez!
Wasn't that the key to surviving middle school... knowing exactly how many days til it's over?
Hang in there, buddy!
Lots of love,
Annie