Lesser-Abled Super Squad, Away!
As I took the train from Emeryville to Davis, I had a moment to flip through the safety pamphlet tucked into the back of the seat in front of me. It's pretty much the same safety pamphlet as with planes, with the one notable exception being that it has safety instruction in Braille embossed all over it. It seems like a good idea, right? Amtrak certainly doesn't want to have a lawsuit about how it left a blind guy on the train because no one told him what to do when his tray table caught fire.
But let's think about this a moment further. One of the directions (for the sighted) was "Help disabled [or perhaps it was 'less-abled'] people first." And of course, stamped over this message in English was its apparent translation in Braille. I'm the first to admit that my Braille might be a bit rusty, so I'll propose two possible things it might have said, each deeply troubling.
Possibility #1: Direct translation. In Braille it simply says the same thing as it does in English, so the safety card is advising disabled people to help people less able than themselves first. If some blind people were on the train when something bad happened, they'd have to go wandering around the compartment (possibly flooding, possibly on fire, possibly both) until they found someone in worse shape than themselves, and then they could leave. I don't envy the sight-impaired that ride Amtrak. I imagine it might be very difficult to save yourself from wreckage without the ability to see, but it's decidedly more difficult to first have to find and save someone missing two or more senses. In other words, before Stevie Wonder can get off the train he has to find Helen Keller. Even more troublesome, if Helen Keller reads the same message, she has to find Stephen Hawking before she can get off the train. And if Stephen Hawking doesn't think he's worse off than Helen Keller, they have to find some way to communicate... it's just a mess.
Possibility #2: Not a direct translation. Whoever made the safety pamphlet understood the Wonder-Keller-Hawking fiasco and so it just says, "If you're disabled, someone must help you first." And if you ask me, that might be even more f'd up:
"Sorry, Mr. Wonder, I know you'd like to escape this this rapidly burning/flooding train car, but you're just going to have to wait until some people who took the time to read all of the bumpy safety pamphlet come to save you. I hope they value 'Songs in the Key of Life' more than escaping burning wreckage in a timely fashion."
Make no mistake about it: if you have the cojones to ride Amtrak while being a less-abled person, you better make damn sure you have a good escape plan. For me, I'll just get knocked unconscious and wait for Stevie, Helen, and Stephen to come save me and teach me how to groove, overcome adversity, and control the universe.
Lesser-Abled Super Squad, Away!
But let's think about this a moment further. One of the directions (for the sighted) was "Help disabled [or perhaps it was 'less-abled'] people first." And of course, stamped over this message in English was its apparent translation in Braille. I'm the first to admit that my Braille might be a bit rusty, so I'll propose two possible things it might have said, each deeply troubling.
Possibility #1: Direct translation. In Braille it simply says the same thing as it does in English, so the safety card is advising disabled people to help people less able than themselves first. If some blind people were on the train when something bad happened, they'd have to go wandering around the compartment (possibly flooding, possibly on fire, possibly both) until they found someone in worse shape than themselves, and then they could leave. I don't envy the sight-impaired that ride Amtrak. I imagine it might be very difficult to save yourself from wreckage without the ability to see, but it's decidedly more difficult to first have to find and save someone missing two or more senses. In other words, before Stevie Wonder can get off the train he has to find Helen Keller. Even more troublesome, if Helen Keller reads the same message, she has to find Stephen Hawking before she can get off the train. And if Stephen Hawking doesn't think he's worse off than Helen Keller, they have to find some way to communicate... it's just a mess.
Possibility #2: Not a direct translation. Whoever made the safety pamphlet understood the Wonder-Keller-Hawking fiasco and so it just says, "If you're disabled, someone must help you first." And if you ask me, that might be even more f'd up:
"Sorry, Mr. Wonder, I know you'd like to escape this this rapidly burning/flooding train car, but you're just going to have to wait until some people who took the time to read all of the bumpy safety pamphlet come to save you. I hope they value 'Songs in the Key of Life' more than escaping burning wreckage in a timely fashion."
Make no mistake about it: if you have the cojones to ride Amtrak while being a less-abled person, you better make damn sure you have a good escape plan. For me, I'll just get knocked unconscious and wait for Stevie, Helen, and Stephen to come save me and teach me how to groove, overcome adversity, and control the universe.
Lesser-Abled Super Squad, Away!
Comments
Ez, you clearly got double doses of the funatude gene.