Government Sanctioned Porn
Melaka might just be my favorite place in Malaysia. It was the Malaysia I hoped I would be living in before I left America. Multi-cultural, cheap, historical but modern, and in possession of the greatest museum the world has ever seen.
The Malaysia Royal Customs Museum might not have a flashy acronym (MRCM doesn't exactly roll off the tongue), nor can it boast being enough of an attraction to merit charging admission, but it was due to this last point (Free!) and the availability of AC (also free!) that had Sarah and me charging past the reception desk worker busily playing flash computer games. We were not to be disappointed. The great thing about this museum is that the people who conceived of it clearly knew what they were doing:
Customs Officer 1: "Hey guys, we need to make a museum about our jobs as customs officers. But it needs to be interesting. Ideas?"
Customs Officer 2: "We could just make it about all the illegal stuff we had to seize from smugglers. Would that work?"
Yes, Customs Officer 2, yes it would. Packed into the small space is all the illegal weapons, opium pipes, endangered animal parts, and banned items with Qu'ranic inscriptions that you could ever hope to see for free. I saw not one, but two "obscene statues," tastefully covered up with pieces of shear fabrics, but not so much so that you couldn't see why they were obscene.
Oh! And there was a whole section devoted just to different ways people could smuggle drugs using unsuspicious objects. Of course, since the objects (and presumably the drugs) had all been confiscated, I'd have to seriously question all of the methods shown before recommending them, but still! You just don't get this kind of wealth of knowledge at most museums.
Off to the side there was a stash of uncracked handles of alcohol big enough to make any prohibition-era bootlegger's fortune.
And the pièce de résistance: way in the back there was a boarded off area with a small metal slit built into the wall, like looking into the opening of a mailbox. Below was a button. I cautiously approached. I pressed the button and a short presentation started on more obscene (and uncensored) statues which were on display and showcased by a tasteful lighting scheme. I called Sarah over so she could see and then a TV turned on with a 5 second clip of government-confiscated porn, complete with one exposed breast.
Was this really my Malaysia? Did I drop into some deranged alternate universe sometime during the 8 hour bus ride from Terengganu to the West coast? Did I somehow end up in Las Vegas, or perhaps at the Tokyo Nights show back in Macau? I'm still not entirely sure. But whatever Melaka's on that makes it so free-wheeling, I want some. Maybe I can bottle it and give it to the new ETAs when they need to get their hosts to loosen up.
Man, now I definitely sound like the devil.
-Ez
PS I also considered calling this post "Customs Officers Seize Breast."
The Malaysia Royal Customs Museum might not have a flashy acronym (MRCM doesn't exactly roll off the tongue), nor can it boast being enough of an attraction to merit charging admission, but it was due to this last point (Free!) and the availability of AC (also free!) that had Sarah and me charging past the reception desk worker busily playing flash computer games. We were not to be disappointed. The great thing about this museum is that the people who conceived of it clearly knew what they were doing:
Customs Officer 1: "Hey guys, we need to make a museum about our jobs as customs officers. But it needs to be interesting. Ideas?"
Customs Officer 2: "We could just make it about all the illegal stuff we had to seize from smugglers. Would that work?"
Yes, Customs Officer 2, yes it would. Packed into the small space is all the illegal weapons, opium pipes, endangered animal parts, and banned items with Qu'ranic inscriptions that you could ever hope to see for free. I saw not one, but two "obscene statues," tastefully covered up with pieces of shear fabrics, but not so much so that you couldn't see why they were obscene.
Oh! And there was a whole section devoted just to different ways people could smuggle drugs using unsuspicious objects. Of course, since the objects (and presumably the drugs) had all been confiscated, I'd have to seriously question all of the methods shown before recommending them, but still! You just don't get this kind of wealth of knowledge at most museums.
Off to the side there was a stash of uncracked handles of alcohol big enough to make any prohibition-era bootlegger's fortune.
And the pièce de résistance: way in the back there was a boarded off area with a small metal slit built into the wall, like looking into the opening of a mailbox. Below was a button. I cautiously approached. I pressed the button and a short presentation started on more obscene (and uncensored) statues which were on display and showcased by a tasteful lighting scheme. I called Sarah over so she could see and then a TV turned on with a 5 second clip of government-confiscated porn, complete with one exposed breast.
Was this really my Malaysia? Did I drop into some deranged alternate universe sometime during the 8 hour bus ride from Terengganu to the West coast? Did I somehow end up in Las Vegas, or perhaps at the Tokyo Nights show back in Macau? I'm still not entirely sure. But whatever Melaka's on that makes it so free-wheeling, I want some. Maybe I can bottle it and give it to the new ETAs when they need to get their hosts to loosen up.
Man, now I definitely sound like the devil.
-Ez
PS I also considered calling this post "Customs Officers Seize Breast."
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