I am not Tim Duncan. I didn't just lose Game 7 of the NBA finals. Actually, I'm pretty sure I didn't even play. But I still felt bad, and that's kind of incredible. Look at that face. Try and tell him he doesn't get a fifth championship. I felt bad because I like Tim Duncan. He seems like a nice guy. He's 37. He has a kid. On the close-up after he missed a shot that would've tied the game, I could see white hairs in his beard. He's old by NBA standards, and even though he's won 4 championships, a 5th would put him in the rare upper echelons of NBA players. Is it important to be in those echelons? I don't know. I thought so. But at the same time, Larry Bird has 3 rings, and people seem to think he was pretty okay. I felt bad because I want people to live forever. And I realize now that I might have some disappointment ahead of me. I hate the idea that at 37, Tim Duncan might've already peaked. Hell, I hate the idea that it's eve...
Malaysia ended. In spite of feeling like it would last forever, it did not, since nothing does and nothing can, in fact, last forever. Malaysia was no exception. It ended quietly, all things considered. After the fake wedding everything else seemed comparatively tame. I was present for Sarah’s big blow-out assembly and there was also a goodbye snack in Kuala Terengganu with all of the ETAs and low-level officials. In case you’re ever wondering, low-level officials who are filling in for mid-level officials at events that no officials actually care about really do give the best speeches. The guy didn’t really know any of us very well so some highlights were: "And there’s Gwynne who can only eat tofu… and Chris who is a lawyer and will bring down the American legal system… and Joe. Joe always reminds me of that black guy. You know, that very funny black guy. That actor-" at this point we were all thinking of Chris Tucker, who Joe is a dead ringer for- "Jack Black...
So I completed one of my life goals by getting hired to write a computer game review. Originally posted on Out of the Storm News, here is the review in full: “ Have You Considered the Benefits of Life Insurance ” is a computer game about life insurance, which automatically makes it the best computer game about life insurance, because the competition is just that thin. The plot is simple enough: you are an ugly life insurance salesman with a trophy wife. You need to buy your wife gifts (a fish, a bottle of wine, something I thought was an asthma inhaler but now believe to be a blender) so that she stays with you. You make money by selling life insurance policies to pixelated people who will pay you $1 a second until they fall into a hole and die, at which point you pay them $100. (Since that’s the only way anyone dies, I’d probably have a “falling down holes exemption clause” in the policy, but that’s just me.) If you so choose, you can plug up holes at $20 a pop...
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