Fox Life

1. Swine Flu is a wimpy name. In non-Muslim countries, swine hasn't been a cutting-edge insult for a long, long time. Douche Bag Flu would be more current. As a result, I just can't get that worked up about such a weak name. And thus it has been throughout history. Examples: The Black Death - Rating: 10/10 Cool color + what will happen to you = devastation of 2/3rds of Europe's population. Whooping Cough - Rating 2/10 Silly crowd noise + excuse to get codeine laced cough syrup = future of over-the-counter drug abuse... but no death. Plus the fact that it has a very effective vaccine has cut down the number of annual deaths from 10,000 to about 30 , kinda makes it seem lame. 2. As far as I can tell, the only real effect it has in the US is to turn Republican senators into Democrats, and to get everyone's mind off of the terrible economy. I'm pretty okay with both of those things. 3. As my friend Alex said on Facebook, " If malaria was as inefficient at kil...

Part 2: More Death, More Valley While walking through Golden Canyon, Sarah and I were passed by two French girls in a dead sprint yelling, "C'est trop beau! C'est trop beau!" ( It's too beautiful ). I thought Sarah and I were doing a good job of enjoying the effects of lots of wind and lots of time on lots of rocks, but our reaction in comparison was woefully inadequate. It's a beautiful thing to see utter joy and realize, "Oh! That's how you're supposed to live!" I hope one day I can find something so beautiful I have to run. The next day we left the Death Valley (note: I saw very little death on the whole. 40 mph Wind Valley, Dehydration Valley, and Ecstatic French Girl Valley are all more appropriate names for it) for the surprising lushness of Joshua Tree. In retrospect, I shouldn't have been too surprised about the relative abundance of life in JT. "Tree" is, after all, a living thing and that's right there in th...

On my way to buy a camping stove from a stranger in Vacaville (from Craigslist, and they threw in a pound of free bison meat), I passed a church marquee that said "No one can ignore Jesus forever." I don't know about you, but that sure sounded like a challenge to me. So far I have successfully ignored Paris Hilton, the economic crisis, and that piece of food stuck in my teeth, none of which I plan to acknowledge any time soon. Now granted, forever is an awfully long time to do anything, but the way I figure it, I only really have to ignore Jesus until I die since he's probably not going to resurrect a guy that's been brushing him off for such a long time. Unless of course, Jesus likes people to play hard to get, and then I might've just clinched my own salvation, so suck it. This slogan is kind of weird though, right? I mean, since when did Jesus become the nerdy kid in high school trying to wear down the defenses of the popular girl so he can ask her to pr...

A lot of people have been upset about AIG getting $165 million in bonuses from hardworking American tax payers like... well, not like me, but like people who actually have to pay taxes. Like my parents. And other people whose main source of income isn't from making sandwiches for an octogenarian every other week. As much as I like a good outrage ( and I do love 'em ), I'm just going to go ahead and say that everyone's missing the point on this one. We shouldn't be pissed that AIG executives have been rewarded with fat sacks of cash for breaking the economy-- we should be grateful that we finally know where all that money is so we can go get our share! Allow me to explain. Now, if we were to put that same $165 mil towards something boring like public schools or healthcare, it'd barely make a dent. My share of that money as 1/300 millionth of America is 55 cents. Nothing to write home about, unless you can buy an envelope and a piece of paper for 13 cents to go ...

It has recently come to my attention that there might be more than one type of person in the world. Shocking, I know. First there are people like me who, if given a dollar for food, will find the most calorically rich and nutritionally-balanced offering the market has and settle on something wholesome, like a loaf of bread. (In fact, I think there were people at my high school who thought that one of my hands was made out of a baguette.) Then there are the other people who I will call the Snackers. Or maybe... the Snack Pack? Snackasaurus Snacks? Or perhaps just Sarah, as she is an epic snacker. Snacking is a strange concept to me now. If you're hungry, my mind reasons, you eat a meal, preferably a sandwich. If you are less hungry, you eat a smaller meal, preferably half a sandwich. And if you're not hungry at all, you make a sandwich, and stare at it until you have the desire to eat it. The principle applies to restaurants. If you're hungry, you order a meal, if no...

Last Wednesday while I was at SFSU, packing a week's worth of classes into one day, I saw this great flier that went a little something like this: "10,000 Students have already been turned away from CSUs! Student fees have raised 135%! All around the world, students are rioting in protest! What are we going to do about it? Come attend an organizing meeting!" Now that's a battlecry I can get behind. In fact, it's been shown through the ages that asking people to attend organizing meetings is by far the quickest route to revolution. In fact, some of you might be reminded of this Margaret Mead quotation: "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens, (arguing over what to do next and falling asleep in a boring meeting) can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." Truly inspirational. And most people don't realize that Paul Revere's real message was: "The British are coming! Let's hold an or...

So, Valentine's Day, right? I can appreciate that it might not be everyone's favorite holiday. It's pretty easy to take some pot shots at it: 1. The Hippie Purist angle: "It's supposed to be about the love, man. Hallmark just commercialized it. Which is why I build my valentine cards out of hemp that I weave myself." 2. The Eleanor Rigby angle: "This holiday is dedicated to making me feel terrible for being alone. (Ah, look at all the lonely people)" 3. Bugs Moran's angle: "All of my men were killed in a massacre . I'm also very lonely." 4. The Pink M&M hating angle: "These pink M&Ms are ruining the sanctity of marriage." But here at Ezra Not in Malaysia , we prefer to take the alternative view of things, regardless of whether or not it's sensible. With that in mind, I give you 8 reasons why Valentine's Day is a fantastic holiday. 1. It's pedophile-friendly. This might not seem like a great se...