Yo Joe!

Let me start off by saying that I am not one of the G.I. Joe faithful. Sure, I know what half the battle is (and even more recently, what comprises the other half), and I followed the general story arc of the series (shoot the bad guys). But since my house growing up was NRA unfriendly, the Joes and I always kept our distance.

That being said, G.I. Joe was fun.

I've realized my purpose in life. I am here to separate the two kinds of bad things in the world. To sift out the "so bad it's good" from the "so bad it's bad." I'm happy to report that for me at least, G.I. Joe falls solidly in the former category.

Lemme quickly give you a greatest hits rundown of the movie. Spoilers may follow.
1. Ninja fight. One all in black and one all in white. But get this, the black one is the good one! Welcome to Obama's America, people.

2. Sienna Miller shows her range as being able to play a blonde and an brunnette.

3. There's an underwater playset fortress. And a massive underwater battle. And then the whole freaking arctic collapses on them.

4. The Eiffel tower gets destroyed. Sure the Ninja Turtles already destroyed the tower... twice... but it's okay if you're late to the party as long as you make a grand entrance. Besides, any monument attached to the Blue song can never be destroyed enough.

5. Things go boom. If you want to watch things go boom you could do worse than to see this movie.

There are of course, some downsides. This movie might not be for you if:
1. You have a strong affection for reality.
2. You don't think being a male model qualifies you to be a leading actor.
3. You don't like cartoon catch-phrases being said by live actors.
4. You don't believe that tomato sauce can disable a multi-million dollar super suit.
5. You have to pay more than $5 to see a movie, and two hours of your time is worth more than mine is.

So in summary, if you've just watched Twilight, and are about to watch The Notebook, you could do worse things than to watch G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra. Things go boom, people. Things go boom.

Comments

Crankster said…
I don't think an affection for reality is a pre-requisite for anyone watching a movie.

After all, one does watch movies to enter fantasy and escape reality.

I notice your list has a lot of chick flicks. Would that be a personal choice or the indirect result of being in a relationship with a female?
5:30 AM
Ezra Fox said…
Some of the chick flicks are from being in a relationship, but Twilight and the Notebook are from my side project with my friends. We read books and watch movies we probably won't like, and then make fun of them. It's kinda unfair.

http://read-weep.com/episodes.php/the-notebook-movie/

http://read-weep.com/episodes.php/twilight-the-movie/
10:05 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Nihilism

Sarah's noticed that in my last few blogs there's been a decidedly downward trend as far as morale is concerned. This is true, and since I'm pretty sure I've already hit bottom, this blog is sure to be brighter and sunnier than the last two. So, let's talk about nihilism ! In a world where things no longer make sense in an understandable way, one could draw the conclusion that there's no sense in the world. Likewise, if the things that we do have no value that we can see, we could then say that it's because there's no system of value in the world. Our lives have no value. Nothing matters. Apathy overwhelms. To apply this to my current time as a teacher, my nap was my greatest accomplishment of the day so far. But this clearing away of old values isn't the ending point, but rather the beginning. Sure I could say that no one cares what I do here, but that also means that I'm free to do anything. And if I can't create an enjoyable life for
Read more

My Old Name

A few days ago, Sarah and some of our friends were sitting down to a delicious brunch at Bistro 33 , this slightly upscale chain that specializes in Pacific Northwestern cuisine. I think that basically means they serve salmon. I got the two eggs any style and asked for one of the eggs to be fried and the other scrambled, since there was no stipulation that the "any style" had to be the same for both eggs. Oddly enough, I received two fried eggs... and then another fried egg for good measure. Their thought process was probably, "I know we're giving you a fried egg you didn't want, so to make up for it, here's another fried egg you didn't want." Partway through the meal, a girl interrupted our friend James by calling out to him, "Jimmy? Oh my god, Jimmy!" They had been best friends in undergrad, three years ago. In the intervening years he had gone to work and has gotten people to call him James. People don't call him Jimmy any more
Read more

Engage!

First thing's first: Sarah and I are engaged! It seems that after all these years of living in sin, Sarah's finally going to make an honest woman out of me. I'm super happy. But Sarah and I had a hard time properly expressing this happiness in written form. Observe: 1. Sarah and I are engaged. While with a simple period, there is no one who doubts the fact that I'm now betrothed to my beloved, but there's also no doubt that I am a likely candidate for suicide watch. Not the right way to announce a new life. Pass. 2. Sarah and I are engaged!!!!!!!!!!! True, you get the sense that I'm very happy to be getting married, but you also get the sense that Sarah should be less happy, since she's going to tie the knot with an excitable pre-teen girl. 3. Sarah and I are engaged :) Yes, there should be a smile, but honestly, just a closed parenthetical? That's the smile you give when someone gets a free doughnut at work, not when he announces one of the bigges
Read more