Weapons of Self-Destruction

Let me tell you about the Internet: first you take everyone in the world, then you wire 'em all together and see what they want to talk about. Turns out, it's sex. But the great thing about the Internet (getting to talk about sex with a whole bunch of people) turns out to also be the worst thing about the Internet, as all the people you don't want to talk about sex with might just find out what you're doing. The Internet is probably the most perfect tool for embarrassment ever. It's like a friend that you can whisper all your darkest secrets to, who'll then promptly tell them to anyone with a password, a good amount of curiosity, or dumb luck.

Let me tell you a cautionary tale about the Internet: first, take some private conversations (thankfully not mine). For argument's sake, let's say that these private conversations of yours have been automatically recorded and archived through Gchat's chat history. And again, for the sake of argument, let's say that your private conversations were of a (achem) somewhat sexual nature. It certainly would not have been the first time that sex had come up on the Internet, nor in conversations among friends. I won't fault you for that. Next, let's say that in your lifetime you've made an enemy. And let's say this enemy has a proficient knowledge of hacking. Let's say that your enemy successfully hacks into your Gmail account and finds this treasure trove of private conversations, the type that people have when it's just a couple of guys talking, confident that no one else will hear them.

What does the enemy do next? Well, in the case of someone unfortunate (I'll call him "Jim" ), the enemy sends out your conversation transcripts to everyone in your contact list. And some sexy pictures of you also.

Ouch.

The contents of these conversations are... embarrassing, to say the least, though not exactly shocking. They're pretty much what you'd expect would happen when a couple of guy friends are able to talk freely about the girls they know or would like to know. It's fair to say that the conversations do not show Jim in the best light. But these are Jim's inner thoughts that strangers are poring over. I can safely say that if my inner thoughts ever fell into the wrong hands, I would have some explaining to do, as would we all. And if you think you might be exempt from this, then at least rest assured that someone you love isn't. There was a quotation I heard from the PostSecret guy that went:

"Every single person has at least one secret that would break your heart."

I believe it. Jim's secrets are out in the open and the people who read his chatlog will have no choice but to judge him for it. But I was struck by how flawed and how human it all was. There were people he talked about that he actually cared about and people that he was just using. He had friends that seemed like good people and others that came off looking like jerks. Those conversations showed glimpses of a person that we never share with people because we're afraid of what they might think. Jim pissed someone off and so those glimpses were sent off to hundreds of inboxes.

I've been watching a lot of the show Dexter recently. It's about a serial killer who kills other killers and has to pretend to be normal. It's an apt parallel, since Dexter has this darker side to him that would make the people close to him hate him, but he's not an evil person. He struggles with the darkness inside of him and tries to protect the people he loves from ever seeing it. I think we're a lot like Dexter and we're a lot like Jim. We all have parts of ourselves that we don't want to show people but that we can't make go away either. We're divided, and the dangerous thing about the Internet is that it connects everything to everyone.

In the case of Jim, mass electronic communication collapsed the barrier between his private and public lives. Even the separations he tried to make between different parts of his private life became horrifically unified when the conversations came out.

Later Jim wrote a message to his professional circle saying how he was ashamed by the conversations and how they really made him rethink his life. I was hoping that in the future, he might not think this was such a bad thing to have happen to him. It could be a real gift, actually, to be able to see yourself the way strangers would see you.

I guess that's the thing about self-destruction: there's always a chance that what comes next is self-creation.

Comments

and that's when he turned off gchat log. :)

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