The Gift of the Maggi

I taught my students the art of writing the "How To" yesterday. I figured since a how to naturally needs to be precise, their imprecision would be endlessly entertaining. I was pretty much right. One student wrote on "How to Eat Maggi" (meaning the seasoning packet, not Jake Gyllenhal's sister).

The last two steps:
10. Eat it with your cat.
11. It will be a romantic meal.

A very solid entry from "boy-about-to-cry." (I refuse to learn his real name.) It reminds me of all the good that this place has to offer. I think it really helps me to dwell on the fun parts. For example, I got a haircut and shaved off my beard yesterday, which led my male co-workers to tell me "You are very smart" and "You cut all the grass." I can't say I'm light-headed about all the male attention, but it's always nice to be noticed.

But actually the haircut was bizarre. A woman who didn't have her hair covered touched my head and cut my hair, and another shampooed it. (Shampooed it!) Also there were two other women in the salon that got hair cuts as well, so they took of their tudungs. I can't really make head or tails of the whole thing. How was it okay for them to make physical contact with me? How was it okay to see four women without their hair being covered? None of them were Indian or Chinese, so it's a certainty they were Malay, and by law Muslim.

Could there possibly be some kind of social loop-hole where it's okay to touch members of the opposite sex as long as they end up paying you? I can't think of a reason why this would backfire, but there might be some unforeseen problem with it down the line.

Wait, this is doubly weird, because no one's supposed to touch your head, period. Regardless of gender, it's just a cultural taboo in Southeast Asia.

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Okay, after checking on this with my mentor, it looks like since people need to get their hair cut it's alright to have someone touch their heads at some point. It'd just be rude to do it out of the blue. But that'd be weird in America too, so I shouldn't be too shocked.

And it turns out though that it's still not too Halal to have a woman touch a man even in the context of a haircut. I might fall outside of the rules as a Westerner, but hopefully the woman who cut my hair (and the one who massaged a full bottle shampoo [shampoo!] into my scalp for like 20 minutes) knew what they were doing.

The weirdest part of a culture that has so many taboos is that you take them on no matter what. It's not like a switch you can turn on and off at will. It's more like a sauce you've been marinating in for awhile. I've been stewing in "separation of sexes" for about 4 months and it shows. Last weekend when Sarah, Joe, Zoe, Ellie and I drove to Penang we had to pay tolls for bridges and roads. During the hand-off at the toll booth I dropped the change on the ground because the woman inside the booth touched my hand. It just doesn't happen here. I feel like I've regressed to elementary school where girls have cooties. This might be a problem when I go back to the states.

How to Get Used to Physical Contact with the Opposite Sex Again:
1. Buy Maggi at store.
2. Give money to checkout clerk.
3. Apologize to her for dropping the money.
4. Cook meal with Maggi.
5. Throw out the burned Maggi food.
6. Order pizza and request a delivery person of the opposite sex.
7. Pay him/her in singles and quarters and drop them on the ground.
8. Pick them up together.
9. Try not to hyperventilate when he/she touches you.
10. Eat dinner with your cat.
11. It will be a romantic meal.