Budget Cuts

So for those of you who haven't been reading the news, now is not the best time to be reliant on the state of California for anything. Unfortunately, as a student of a public university, I'm currently looking to them to make me a writer.

Not the best idea.

A few weeks ago, SFSU decided that me going to school one day a week was just too much, so there was a furlough day on my one day of school. For people unfamiliar with the term, furlough mean teachers don't work, the school doesn't pay them, and I have 13 days off in a row for no good reason. It's a crazy, debt-ridden world we're living in, people.

Greeting me upon my triumphant return to school was a cat-sized dust bunny in the corner of my classroom.

A fellow student was quick to point out that this was clearly an "F-you" dust bunny, and I'm inclined to agree. If tenured teachers are taking mandatory days off, then imagine what the administration's doing to cut the costs of people who aren't tenured.

Dust bunnies-- will be allowed to propagate in the hopes that they may one day be trained to teach biology.

Toilet paper-- will now come in two varieties: New and used.

Campus security who used to walk you to your car for free-- now muscles students into paying protection money and beats them up and steals their iPods if they refuse.

The free psychological counseling-- replaced by a "Thunderdome" where problems can be solved when "two men enter, one man leaves."

Poetry-- in an effort to make the department more profitable, poetry has now been replaced by a chain gang.

The Chain Gang Club-- has been cut.

Gay-Straight Alliance-- has been downsized, and is now comprised entirely of bisexuals.

Food prices-- have stayed the same, but there's now mandatory inclusion of poison with all meals. For people not wanting poison, there's a steep "no poison" tax.

The Arts-- have been cut. As a result, technology will only be "State of the" and the degrees offered will now be "Bachelor of."

The free shuttle to the Daly City BART station-- is now a human-drawn chariot, powered by the remnants of the Classics major.

The Chariot Team-- has been cut.

Comments

Noah F said…
Really got me to LOL, very funny stuff!

Noah
10:39 AM
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