Number 1 Girls at Bad Times
It’s kind of impossible to understand interactions in Malaysia without first understanding just how separate the genders are here. Thursday, I finally got a chance to teach a couple of classes as a substitute and it was kind of crazy. For starters, the first half of the desks are always occupied by boys, while the back half is all girls. I had an exercise where the students had to pass dry-erase markers to each other in a kind of relay race. In almost all cases the boys wouldn’t hand the pens to the girls. Instead the boys put the markers down on the girls’ desks, but without making eye contact or even facing the in the same direction. When I gave away a chocolate bar as a prize, a boy and a girl had to split it and they squealed at the prospect. When I tried to talk to one of my female students she jumped in her seat, which is a marked improvement over when they bury their faces in their hands, their desks, or their friends. It’s a strange sight, when the girls cluster together-- since they keep their heads and body covered, you’ll get this mass of giggles and cloth with only one exposed face.
The boys, on the other hand, while freer, seem at times, stunted in their growth. I don’t want to sound harsh but they look a little undersized to me. True, I haven’t been a teen for some time, but I swear I was taller, hairier, and more mature when I was 13-17. That’s probably a massive lie, but all the same, Sarah and I hypothesized that American puberty might be prematurely induced due to all those crazy hormones and chemicals in our superbly engineered processed food. That, or the clothes really do make the teen.
I keep on hearing from other male teachers that they’re so happy that I’m a man. Everyone loved the previous (female) ETA, so it’s kind of strange to hear this sigh of relief in men’s voices, like “ah, I can relax around you.” I’m trying very hard not to judge this separation of genders as inherently problematic and damaging. The phrase “separate but separate” came to mind earlier to describe it. Sarah made the observation that men and women are more like different species here and it’s hard to disagree. The only catch being that they just happen to need each other to reproduce.
A note on the women around the area, as told by one of my friends who is half-looking for a wife: women from Besut (where Jackie and Ellie are placed) are apparently the smartest, cleverest, and most successful. Meanwhile, women from Kuala Terengganu are the “number 1 girls… at bad times.” I’m not exactly sure how a city where the vast majority of its inhabitants are among the most conservative Muslims in all of Malaysia can be so great at “bad times,” but I guess it’s all about context. Like how because there’s nothing better on our Astro (satellite TV), my television watching habits have changed substantially.
For example, I’ve been watching BBC segments because that channel is one of a select few that is both interesting and in English. I love these segments because they’re depressing and have terrible conclusions. An example from a 5 minute short about coffee: “Who takes a loss when the market price of coffee fluctuates? The growers. Because the whole system is built upon people being able to drink coffee like water.” Roll credits. There was one about irrigation in the San Fernando Valley that amounted to: “In exchange for life growing where there was none before, there’s now no life where there used to be plenty (Show a picture of a dried up Colorado River.)” Roll credits. It’s clear that the American sensibility of happy Hollywood endings is far inferior to the British aesthetic of ending… whenever.
Something I’ve wanted to touch on for a while is how much more impressive everything is when you’re in a foreign country. It’s pretty great for a couple of reasons:
1. People expect much less of you in every respect. If you can say two words without butchering them (hell, even with butchering them) they totally love you.
2. Phone calls are even more special too. I had to handle a bit of detail work regarding a transcript that I needed for grad schools, so I had to call each of them up. Because of time zones I did it at 1:00 am, which was great because I then had an easy way to let them know how lucky they were to receive my call. “Say, what time is it over there? Really, because it’s 1:00 am here. Yep, I’m in Malaysia.” Try it out sometime. It’ll be totally impressive.
3. Being in Malaysia is also the best excuse for anything. “Sorry I didn’t get a chance to write back to your email. I’m in Malaysia.” “Sorry I didn’t pay my credit card bills. I’m in Malaysia.” “Sorry I haven’t showered in a week. I’m in Malaysia.” Try it out sometime. You'll be totally forgiven.
One last thing: I just saw this great commercial of people driving cars, kind of like this one:
“At 40 mph, there’s a 25% chance of killings someone. At 60 mph there’s a 100% chance of killing someone.” Then a kid in a crosswalk gets nailed by a car and his parents hold his body and scream. Then it’s over. I think it might’ve been British.
The boys, on the other hand, while freer, seem at times, stunted in their growth. I don’t want to sound harsh but they look a little undersized to me. True, I haven’t been a teen for some time, but I swear I was taller, hairier, and more mature when I was 13-17. That’s probably a massive lie, but all the same, Sarah and I hypothesized that American puberty might be prematurely induced due to all those crazy hormones and chemicals in our superbly engineered processed food. That, or the clothes really do make the teen.
I keep on hearing from other male teachers that they’re so happy that I’m a man. Everyone loved the previous (female) ETA, so it’s kind of strange to hear this sigh of relief in men’s voices, like “ah, I can relax around you.” I’m trying very hard not to judge this separation of genders as inherently problematic and damaging. The phrase “separate but separate” came to mind earlier to describe it. Sarah made the observation that men and women are more like different species here and it’s hard to disagree. The only catch being that they just happen to need each other to reproduce.
A note on the women around the area, as told by one of my friends who is half-looking for a wife: women from Besut (where Jackie and Ellie are placed) are apparently the smartest, cleverest, and most successful. Meanwhile, women from Kuala Terengganu are the “number 1 girls… at bad times.” I’m not exactly sure how a city where the vast majority of its inhabitants are among the most conservative Muslims in all of Malaysia can be so great at “bad times,” but I guess it’s all about context. Like how because there’s nothing better on our Astro (satellite TV), my television watching habits have changed substantially.
For example, I’ve been watching BBC segments because that channel is one of a select few that is both interesting and in English. I love these segments because they’re depressing and have terrible conclusions. An example from a 5 minute short about coffee: “Who takes a loss when the market price of coffee fluctuates? The growers. Because the whole system is built upon people being able to drink coffee like water.” Roll credits. There was one about irrigation in the San Fernando Valley that amounted to: “In exchange for life growing where there was none before, there’s now no life where there used to be plenty (Show a picture of a dried up Colorado River.)” Roll credits. It’s clear that the American sensibility of happy Hollywood endings is far inferior to the British aesthetic of ending… whenever.
Something I’ve wanted to touch on for a while is how much more impressive everything is when you’re in a foreign country. It’s pretty great for a couple of reasons:
1. People expect much less of you in every respect. If you can say two words without butchering them (hell, even with butchering them) they totally love you.
2. Phone calls are even more special too. I had to handle a bit of detail work regarding a transcript that I needed for grad schools, so I had to call each of them up. Because of time zones I did it at 1:00 am, which was great because I then had an easy way to let them know how lucky they were to receive my call. “Say, what time is it over there? Really, because it’s 1:00 am here. Yep, I’m in Malaysia.” Try it out sometime. It’ll be totally impressive.
3. Being in Malaysia is also the best excuse for anything. “Sorry I didn’t get a chance to write back to your email. I’m in Malaysia.” “Sorry I didn’t pay my credit card bills. I’m in Malaysia.” “Sorry I haven’t showered in a week. I’m in Malaysia.” Try it out sometime. You'll be totally forgiven.
One last thing: I just saw this great commercial of people driving cars, kind of like this one:
“At 40 mph, there’s a 25% chance of killings someone. At 60 mph there’s a 100% chance of killing someone.” Then a kid in a crosswalk gets nailed by a car and his parents hold his body and scream. Then it’s over. I think it might’ve been British.
Comments
i love that you write so much. Makes me feel like I'm right there with you guys ( I miss both of you terribly!). Anyways, it's really interesting how segregated your school is. Mine is so teensy that everyone gets along and works int he same room and jokes around with each other. (Although we do have separate sides of the room for our desks, and we sit at different tables to eat) but there is an exchange that seems more American than Malay. Perhaps it's because all the teachers are in their late 20s to mid 30s? Glad everything is good over there!